Amanda Kloots Feels ‘Guilty’ Raising Son When Late Husband Had 10 Months

Amanda Kloots is paying tribute to late husband Nick Cordero five years after his death at age 41.

In an Instagram post shared on Saturday, July, 5, Kloots, 43, asked her and Cordero’s 6-year-old son, Elvis, what one thing is that he misses about his dad. “His singing,” Elvis replied with a smile, to which Kloots added that she misses holding Cordero’s hand.

“We love you Nick and we miss you every single day,” Kloot said, while Elvis added, “And we always know that you’re right here.”

Kloots also gave thanks to fans for supporting the family while sharing a video of Cordero singing his track “Live Your Life” for the only time live in April 2019.

“Nick left me with one of the greatest gifts — the title of his song: LIVE YOUR LIFE,” Kloots wrote. “On hard grief days, I say to myself, ‘What would Nick want me to do?’ LIVE YOUR LIFE, AMANDA. When I’m making a decision — Should I take this trip? Should I speak my mind? Should I go for the dream?? The answer is always: LIVE YOUR LIFE. When I’m giving someone advice? LIVE YOUR LIFE.”

She continued, “I didn’t realize what an impact his song would have on me after he was gone, but his words of wisdom have stayed with me, guided me, and helped me through grief.”

While reflecting on grief, Kloots noted that it “steals everything from you” and can attach “like a backpack, weighing you down with every step.”

“I would have never thought that my grief would still be this heavy five years after losing Nick, but now I know: it will never be lighter—and I’ve come to terms with that,” she wrote. “If I can offer anyone advice about grief, it’s this: Know that grief becomes the shadow that follows you wherever you go. So — become its friend. Learn how to talk to grief. Learn how to laugh with grief. Learn how to sleep with grief. Go to therapy with grief.”

She continued, “It’s the friend you never wanted—but one of the closest relationships you’ll ever have with yourself.”

Kloots also penned a message to the Broadway performer, sharing that she misses his “laugh,” music and seeing him be a dad to son Elvis.

“There are still so many days when I can’t believe you’re not here—that you’re gone. It doesn’t feel real,” she concluded. “Thank you for the years you gave me and for our amazing son. He’s your twin, and you would’ve loved every single second of him. I feel guilty that I get to raise him when you only had 10 months. It’s not fair. He’s beautiful. He’s the best. He’s you. ❤️.”

Kloots also shared a carousel of photos of Cordero through the years, including several of him bonding with Elvis.

“It’s nearly impossible to choose my favorite photos of Nick — but these are just a few that hold a special place in my heart. It’s incredible how a single photo can transport you back: to what you said, how you felt, where you were and why,” she wrote via Instagram on Saturday. “His personality shines through in every one. Take the photos. Capture the moments. They mean everything.”

News broke in July 2020 that Cordero died from complications related to COVID-19. He had been admitted into Los Angeles’ Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in March, where he had been initially diagnosed with pneumonia before testing positive for coronavirus the following month.

Kloots has since pursued a relationship with Justin Gimelstob, who opened up about how he honors the former Talk cohost’s late husband.

“They had such a beautiful relationship, and I only have admiration for the relationship they had,” Gimelstob, 48, exclusively told Us Weekly in April. “I just support [Amanda] and obviously the baby is such a sweet boy.”