Parenting Influencer Sometimes Wonders If Late Son Was ‘Ever Here’

Parenting influencer Lindsay Dewey is still processing losing her youngest son, Reed, after his death at 22 months in February.

Reflecting on the months since his death, Dewey, 37, said she would never forget her son, but at the same time, it feels like time “has been erased.”

“Some days, like today, it feels like Reed was never here,” she wrote via Instagram on Wednesday, July 2. “And as a mother, his mother, HOW could I even say or think that?? I know, I know, it sounds cruel. But it’s the truth. It’s how I feel sometimes. And you’ll never see me come on here and apologize for how I feel. Especially to those who have no clue what this feels like. (I pray you never have to) My feelings may make you uncomfortable or you may not understand them, and that’s fine, but it’s my current reality.”

Reed died following an accident at home when a “heavy duty” mirror fell on him while he was trying to pull his suction cup bowl off of it. He suffered a skull fracture and traumatic brain injury that left him in a coma.

“I know that his memory isn’t lost,” the mom of three continued. “It [sic] just that we’ve been living out this new life, new reality, new routine- without him and even though it’s only been almost 5 months, the weight, the void, the absence, the memories- feel like it’s been a lot longer than that.”

Lindsay and her husband, Eric Dewey, also share daughter Breegan, 6, and son Tucker, 4. She added that sometimes it feels like Reed’s life was just a dream and that he was the family’s “little piece of heaven.”

“What frightens me, is if I’m already feeling this now at just 5 months, what am I gonna feel at 5 years?” she asked. “It’s important that I take it day by day because if I don’t, those thoughts can really get to me. It’s already a terrible feeling as a mother to even feel like one of your babies was never around to begin with.”

She ended her heartfelt post with some advice to her followers and an expression of gratitude for those who supported her and her family.

“Tomorrow is not promised. I know we all assume it is, but it’s just not,” she concluded. “I’m very grateful that God has put people in our corner who truly seem to care. He’s provided in that area for sure. I know everyone handles loss differently but you really do find out who’s in your corner when something like this happens. Silence speaks very loud and I know people don’t know what to say, I get that… to a degree. God has bridged the gaps where it was needed and I am thankful.”